Leadership is a VERB not a NOUN…

I have had a few specific leaders placed over me in the past that have really rubbed me wrong, yet I could never understand why. Even though I tried so hard to be under that leadership when it was placed over me, there was something that felt off…

Recently, however, there are certain leaders in my life that really stir me up and push me into more of my potential. If I had to name some great leaders, the ones in my life right now would be at the top of my list…

I have been contemplating the difference between these two types of leadership, and why one pushes me to greatness, and the other into a battle of my attitude, thoughts, and behavior.

As I lead this high school trip to Bolivia, I have started to understand the difference. As a “leader” there are many opportunities to delegate or tell those “under” you what to do, but it takes true leadership to take action-- To be the one to demonstrate with your life and example first, To walk into places first, To pick up the orphans first, To enter into worship first.  When I look back, the leaders that just told me what to do had a sense of illegitimacy that was coming off of them.   

Let me give you an example, I was at training camp a couple of weeks ago, and we had a session on children's ministry. In this session I witnessed one of the people in leadership over me lead a crazy song/dance, and I even remember saying, “I could NEVER be that silly and loud in front of so many people.” It was really fun and awesome, but I did not think that was for me.  Well about 4 days later, I am in Bolivia and our team is on stage in front of 150 teenagers. Next thing I know, I find myself being asked to lead this crazy song/dance for all these teenagers. My team was going to be my back up but they needed someone to be the crazy one in front. (I had a choice. I could “make” one of my students lead this, because after all I am the “leader” or I could lead it the first time, and have one of them step up next time. I chose the action.) It was uncomfortable, BUT I was louder than I thought I could ever get, I danced like a crazy person, and five minutes later I completed an “I NEVER” statement.  The best part of the story, is the fact that one afternoon later, one of the students on my team now had enough courage to lead this all by herself, because she saw me do it. (I didn't even ask her, she just went out and led it).

That example reminds me of a row of dominos that are lined up in a pattern ready to collide with each other and make a beautiful chain reaction. There is so much that could happen, so much potential, but the first domino has to get tipped over so that it can hit the second one and create the chain reaction that is being anticipated. In this case I was the second domino. I followed the lead of someone over me, and in turn, I could bump into someone even younger than me and help them lead. For me, it is easier to lead when I don't have the “title,” because I just choose the action, but once you have the TITLE you have the opportunity to delegate and it is hard to lead with “action,” because technically you don't have to.

I don't want to be the type of leader that pushes others into a battle to fight their attitude, thoughts, and behavior. I want to help push people into who they can become. So I HAVE to go first. How can I lead somewhere I have never been myself? I HAVE to do certain things first so others can follow. I HAVE to go deeper in my own walk and in my own worship, so I can bring others with me. I HAVE to look more like the Father, so as others look more like me, they are really looking more like Him.

***SPOILER ALERT***

This is NOT an EASY lesson to learn. I actually learned it through a quite messy experience. It takes effort and initiative. It takes humility and grace. It takes being uncomfortable or silly sometimes. It takes action. Who wants to follow a leader that just talks and tells you what to do and say, YET you don't see them operating in what they are asking of you?  I know I don't, so I can't be a NOUN, I have to be the VERB!

"Its the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something."-Crash-

My friend Kelly Chadwick (If you don't know who she is yet, you will one day, because she is leaving a huge mark on this world) Anyway Kelly introduced me to some new terminology recently. She came up with the phrase skin craving, “A psychological term to describe the body's need for physical touch. When the need becomes great enough, we fill it by subconsciously brushing against other people in order to fill the craving.”

I have the privilege and HONOR, to go to Bolivia with a group of 12 high school students tomorrow. We have been at a training camp for almost a week now, and what I am seeing in myself, in my co-leaders, and in my 12 students are "skin cravings" physical and spiritual. There has been a huge lack of physical touch, spiritual touch, physical love, and spiritual love in this group of students.

I get the opportunity to be that touch in so many of their lives over the next three weeks. Where people have left them, where people have avoided them, where peers have made fun of them, I am coming in to run to them and stay, intentionally “bump” into them, and build them up with the words their Heavenly Father speaks over them. Each of my students has a huge calling on their life. Each one has a destiny. Each one is needed. Each one is God's Plan A! Each one has something to offer this world. I believe in them, but more importantly they are going to discover just how much God believes in them!

I have only known this group for about three days, and already something has come ALIVE in me that I didn't even know was dead. There is apart of me that is more ALIVE than ever before. There has not been a better season in my life, than right now! These students have A LOT to do with that. I think in the deepest part of me I had a craving. On the surface it was a skin craving, but on the deepest part of my soul I had a spiritual craving for something more, to feel something more. These next three weeks are going to launch us into the depths of God's love. I know that we are about to CRASH into what our souls are CRAVING.

Seasons are short, but their effects are not.

Tonight I was torn between two relationships, two cities, but ONE time. I could only choose one place. That was the fact. It was in this moment that I was flooded with emotion, with regret, and with tears.

 Instantly, these are the questions/thoughts that weighed heavy on my heart:

There is not enough time!

Did I waste the time I had with these people?

           How could I have invested more?

            Are seasons really that short?

           Does anybody stay long-term, face-to-face, in my life?

           Who is in my life now, that may not be physically near me a few months from

now?

           Is it always going to hurt when you can't be near the ones you have invested

so much in?

 Seasons. They're short. They change. BUT I'm the constant in all my seasons.

I CAN invest more. I CAN make every second count--every day worthwhile.  I desperately need to learn this verse,

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12”

I don't get more time. YOU don't get more time! We don't get to relive any moments. The people in our lives today are in our lives TODAY!

There are so many people in this world that I absolutely LOVE, not just like…but LOVE. They live in the Dallas area, Oklahoma City area, the east coast, the west coast, several countries, and a few continents. However, there is a difference between those that live around the world and those that live in Gainesville, GA with me.

All of the people I love outside of GA have already been in my life for a season, some will get to be in my life for another season, but some won't. Not because I don't want them in it, but because they are having their own seasons.

So God, “Please help me to not take a single person for granted in my TODAY! I know I have in my yesterday, but please help me not to in my TODAY! I don't want to waste another season!”

This blog was inspired by people like Vanessa Johnston, Jory Billiot, Cayce James, Lindsey Burnett, Gabriel Hensley, Keirsten Russell, James Jones, Liz Martin, Chad and Misty McCaslin, Graceann Hector, Zak Martinez, Tracy Griffin and Debreon Davis. Thank you for the seasons we shared. The effects of those seasons are still with me today!

* There are countless more but I had to stop typing at some point.

Words. There is MORE to a word than just combining spoken sounds and syllables to make a familiar coherent noise that someone knows the meaning to.  Before you speak a word, there has to be a thought behind it, even if just for a millisecond.

Well in my last blog “Go Big or Go Home” I let a lot of words come out of my heart and for those around me, those words came out of my mouth! Once a word is released there is no taking it back. It has already been heard, if not by others, than at least by my own ears!

I let my dream out, and what was once for me and God to know, all of a sudden became knowledge for others who were in earshot/eyeshot of my words.

What came next was unexpected. My excitement turned to a battle against fears.

Immediately I realized that I just released a dream, that required action and hard work, and if I did not follow through a lot of people would know!

I realized that just because I said my dream out loud, that it DID NOT make it any easier to achieve. I realized that my dream was going to take a lot more investment. I realized that my flesh immediately started doubt in myself and in God.  I had to quickly claim who I am in Christ.

The biggest thing I have learned so far is that I need people. I had to look at myself in the mirror, and realize that my dream is not for me to do alone. This dream is not for me to carry on my shoulders, because it is not mine. It is for me to rely on God, and it is for me to do with others.

We were not created to do life alone, so I am relying on God to network me with others so that we can mesh our dreams into something bigger than we could have ever imagined.

I have already had to speak against the thoughts to give up. It is so easy to just give in and walk away from dreams, but I know that it will be worth it to pursue.

So I fight.

I tell myself that God has something planned. I tell myself that I am a daughter of Christ, and that TODAY I am going to walk in my inheritance, whatever that may look like today. I focus on what I can do TODAY. I believe in what God says about me TODAY.   This way, when tomorrow comes I KNOW WHO I AM BECAUSE I KNOW what my father says about me, and I know what is MINE!

As I take the necessary steps of putting a band together, and working out logistics for a trip I know that my hand is holding tightly to God's as I take my first steps in my dream.

There will not be any “easy” season to this dream, and I don't know that I would want there to be. The investment, the tears, the hard work, the journey is worth it to see God wreck this world with his unconditional LOVE.

Please continue to be a part of watching/making this dream happen.

**Image taken from google**

 I am about to share something that is very close to my heart. A dream that without God is not possible. A dream that makes me feel vulnerable to share, but I want YOU  to be a part of my journey…a journey that won't be over in a year or even five years.

Let me take a second to say that I was never the person who dreamt big dreams for my life. I knew what I was good at and what I wasn't, so logically, my dreams focused on things I could personally achieve without taking too big of a chance.

Now I find myself on the completely OPPOSITE side of the spectrum. When I take a look at a legitimate need in this world I cannot help but dream and give my life a fair shot at changing the world. Now this is where my dream comes in…

My life took a drastic turn the night of December 22, 2009. Up until this point, victims of human trafficking and the sex industry were mere statistics and sad stories I read about from a textbook or a blog online. It was this night, when those statistics would become faces in my mind.  I met a girl named Lola, who had been trafficked from Eastern Europe. The two minutes I spent talking with her, have changed my life FOREVER.

  When I was first introduced to this reality of selling people for sexual exploitation, I thought I would spend my life fighting against trafficking by bringing healing and love to victims of the sex trade. HOWEVER, that was only the tip of the iceberg for where my dream was headed.

God has given me a heart and the talent for worship. That in itself is a whole other story, but this passion is important to know when it comes to my DREAM.

I have a dream to start doing “worship tours” in red light districts across the world.

I have a dream to play with a band in the darkest clubs and bars in the middle of these red light districts.

I have a dream that will begin to release hope and destiny to everyone within earshot, whether they are listening or not.

I have a dream that stirs up the atmosphere for breakthrough.

I have a dream that will allow a band to posture their heart in humility as we ask God for divine strategy to effectively take this injustice on.

I have a dream that will network us with different bar owners/slave owners.

I have a dream that looks and sounds like music at a glance, but underneath is warfare and change in the making.

 Honestly my dream is not to go out and see how many women I can rescue from forced prostitution. My dream is for the pimps, the owners of the bars, the men and women who run the trafficking rings beyond borders.

  God will have to do all the strategic networking, but I believe if these men and women could have encounters with God, then they would be the agents of change for all the women, men and children sexually exploited. Can you imagine if an owner or a person deeply networked in the trafficking ring were to experience the depths of God's love? Can you imagine them going to the people they own and asking forgiveness? Can you imagine them saying, “You are free to go, physically, but please listen to my story of God's love because I want you to be free spiritually, as well”?

 I CAN, and THAT IS MY DREAM!

 What is your DREAM?

*pictures from Google Images search

**inspired by "Kingdom Dreams" from Seth Barnes (the founder of Adventures in Missions)

Do you want to know what has been on my mind lately?

What has been bothering me several times in the past couple weeks?

 Chocolate Milk!

I love Chocolate milk, but it hasn't been satisfying lately, mostly because something keeps going wrong in the preparation.

The day started off like any other day, I was craving some chocolate milk right before I headed to work. Yet this time, during my rush to pour the milk, squirt the chocolate and get to the car; I forgot a spoon. I COULDN'T STIR THE MILK!  Then I was left to drink a whole glass of white milk with some chocolate resting at the bottom, it would barely come out of the glass!

Last week all we had at home was some non-fat milk (watered-down milk SICK) and my accidently, newly purchased “Lite” Hershey's chocolate syrup. When combining one or the other, in my case both, BEWARE you will not get chocolate milk! You will get chocolate flavored water…GROSS!

 I mention my mishaps and experiences with my chocolate milk to give you a snapshot of what my mind has been correlating chocolate milk with over the past couple weeks.

We can receive all the “knowledge”, the sermons,   the wisdom, and all the words that we want to. We can be poured into all day and night, yet if we don't let it get stirred up inside of us, then it all sinks to the bottom. Our “color” may change, we may get slightly darker just to be called a different shade of white, but when it comes to taste. WE WILL TASTE LIKE WHITE MILK, because we never got stirred up. 

Or if we let ourselves be “lite” Christians with out the real ingredients of LOVE and GRACE, then I doubt people will look at our lives and say, “wow they are the real deal.” They will call us out for being flavored water rather than the chocolate milk we were created to be.

Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper, from the hit TV show The Biggest Loser, are digging deeper than the church.

As I watch The Biggest Loser week after week, I am consistently challenged, not to lose weight, but to become more like the Church body that I was intended to be.

There are so many lessons that the “church body” could take notes on from the way that Jillian and Bob dive deep into the participants' lives that they are training.  The biggest thing that makes these trainers so good at their job, is the fact that they don't see a surface problem of weight, they look deeper at the roots of the manifestation of being overweight.

A physical problem or addiction is a manifestation of a deeper issue! We, as followers of Christ, need to WAKE UP and stop dealing with things on the surface. Take weight gain, any one can lose some pounds, but if they aren't losing the emotional and mental weight its just a matter of time until the numbers on the scale add right back up.

Jillian and Bob are great at two aspects of pouring into people that, as a part of the “church body,” I need to get better at.  Even though they use different terms, they know all about soul ties that so many people are unaware of. A soul tie is when you are connected to someone emotionally. It is like having a rope coming from you to the other person, and no matter how hard you try to go forward, you are connected to them and can only go so far.  Bob and Jillian get that! They find the roots to problems. They can see how there are emotional ties between family members or friends that have hurt certain participants, and because they are still connected to that person emotionally, they aren't healing emotionally!

Another part, that really just gets me fired up as I watch this show is how prophetic Jillian and Bob are. This may sound funny, because they don't seem to know God, but as his Son and Daughter they have tapped into a part of their father that is in their DNA. They find the golden nuggets in people, even when the nuggets are covered.  That is what being prophetic is-- calling the greatness out of people, when they can't see or find it within themselves.  So many contestants on this show have a mindset of looking down on themselves, being insecure, and so on. Jillian and Bob find their strengths. They find that strong, beautiful person deep inside who desperately wants to come out!

I find it incredibly amazing that you can find the Love of God pouring out of his children that do not yet acknowledge him as their Father. How much more should we, as Sons and Daughters that know who they are in Christ, be speaking into those around us? What if we dug deeper, through the surface of people in our lives? What if we took the time to call greatness out, and see people as the individuals they were created to be? What if we weren't satisfied with all the emotionally overweight people that we interact with every day?

Who in your life needs a Biggest Loser makeover?

**Pictures taken from Google Images

Two Worlds…One Story…

I'm reading a book right now that has the phrase “two worlds, one story” on the back cover. This phrase will not get out of my head. It reminds me of the movie INCEPTION, when the main character has to use a "totem" to help him figure out if he is in a dream or in reality.

I find myself in two worlds at the same time quite often, and quite literally. The difference between the movie, inception, and real life is that I don't have to wake-up from one world. I live in two! I am meant to live in two�"the physical and spiritual.

Let me give you a glimpse of how my mind works and thrives in not just the physical world, but also the spiritual at the same time:

A couple of weeks ago, I set out to go snowboard down this mountain for the day, but a couple hours later I was having a worship encounter with God as I listened to my iPod and boarded down some of God's most breath-taking landscape!

Often times when I am outside doing something, such as a snowball fight a couple days ago, I have to just stop and thank God for who I am, where I am, and who I am with. I look up from making snowballs, just to be taken back by a beautiful sight of snowfall overlooking some islands in our lake. God is so good!

There are certain movies I cannot watch anymore without being drawn to prayer and intercession. When I see movies with Angelina Jolie, I feel like I get a glimpse of God's love for her. I am constantly being quickened to pray over her life and her heart. I regularly declare things and prophecy over her life, and it brings me so much life to do that!

I love living in two worlds, yet writing only ONE story with my life. I wouldn't have it any other way. This is what I was born to do. This is how I was born to live. This is how YOU were born to live…

If you were to ask anyone who knows me even a little bit they could tell you I KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN, and I KNOW HOW TO BRING FUN to other people. My personality is a lot of fun, and living for God is the best part.  I can do so much in the physical, and get life in the spiritual. It's the best way to live!

I love colliding the physical with the spiritual! How can you intertwine the two together more?

**1st picture taken by Sarah Chukwuma/2nd from Google

God HATES You…

God HATES Fags...

                                   …You're Going to HELL

I was at the airport a few weeks ago when I saw this picture on the News (pictured on right). The newscaster went on to talk about a “church” that does these pickets and what not, but the thing that inspired this blog was the reaction of a fellow traveler near me who yelled, “FREAKS!”

Everything in me was screaming, “that is not the CHURCH! That is not who I AM, and that is not who MY GOD IS”!

This story really got me thinking. Because I know the nature of God (LOVE), I know that this “church” (by name only) is not actually a part of the true CHURCH (by DNA). I looked up the website, and I know that this “church” that pickets is actually more of a cult.

My question is, "DO THEY KNOW?” Do they know that GOD cannot hate his children like these signs read? Does that traveler know that this isn't an accurate picture of the REAL CHURCH BODY? Do they know that the nature of God is not HATE? Do they know?

My heart breaks for people. My heart hurts for the church. The CHURCH body should be showing Christ's love so much, that when God is portrayed as a God of Hate, people who don't even believe in a God think that sounds wrong.

My heart breaks for people.  It breaks for people who don't know that the nature of God is LOVE; and that it doesn't matter what choices they make--GOD cannot stop loving them.

So I ask myself, who in my life can I love more and portray our God as a LOVER?” Who can you LOVE more? Notice, I didn't say preach at, but LOVE. Love is not based on the choices or mistakes of others! I am sure glad there are no conditions on me to receive the LOVE of my Father!

GOD IS LOVE, AND HE LOVES YOU. PERIOD.

"Come, Come" she squeals with excitement in her raspy little voice.
Tossing her in the air - she lights up.
Higher! Higher! Higher!
Spinning round and round, she asks to go faster.
Head tossed back, arms dangling; she lets the movement take her.
This kid is an adrenaline junkie.

I didn't realize it at the time, but that  infection was a lot bigger than I could see.

The other day we came home from town and found Kylani's head shaved.
I figured this was part of the Christmas festivities. Most of the village kiddos were getting their hair "did" - mostly in fancy braids with beads, and others were getting clean-shaven for the holiday season. Kylani's was ridiculously short though - it almost seemed out of the ordinary.

Lucas and I were taking pictures when he mentioned to me that the night before a bunch of flies were gnawing at the back of her head and that's probably why they shaved it - there must have been something there. Curiously, we called to her - and she came running with her big smile and excitement. She's a little ham when it comes to the camera. Lucas distracted her with the camera while I took a look. The back of her head made my stomach churn. Puss and infection oozed along the lower half of her head. Not wanting to waste time, I found Peter our contact, and informed him of Kylani's condition. I was a little confused by his response...

"Oh, yes. I must inform you, that this child and her mother are being given tablets for the HIV infection. They are both HIV positive and receiving tablets from the doctor." My stomach jumped into my throat. I could hardly swallow and felt nauseous. Kylani!? Kylani and Ana? What? How?? This truth haunted me as I walked slowly down the path to our house. I needed to tell someone, but I could hardly talk, let alone think straight. I found my team sitting in the room and just stood there. "I...I need to tell you something. I...Kylani and Ana are HIV+, Peter just told me that - but she has a really bad infection...her whole head is bad. It's staff. I...wow."

Megan and I went to Kylani and Ana (her mother's) house that evening and prayed for her. Did I mention it was Christmas Eve? It took a few days for this reality to sink in...and for us to investigate for more information. I discovered a little more of Kylani's story...her father, Ana's husband died of AIDS. Likely, Ana received HIV from her husband, and since 99.9% of women in Africa breastfeed, Kylani contracted the virus through birth or shortly after.

It didn't seem fair. None of it did.
She's so little. She's so young.
She's so full of life.
How long will she live?
Will she ever go to school?
Will she ever get married?
Have a family?
Be healed?
Lord...what do you have for Kylani?

I guess I didn't realize that children we were working with this month have HIV. There are 3 in total...and considering the amount of kids that could, I suppose that's better than it being more. Sadly, those three children are 10% of the children served in this ministry. The haunting reality of this...is just that...it's REAL. My dear little 3-year-old friend Kylani is HIV+. I hope and trust that God is bigger than this, even if I don't see how in this moment. He is our Healer - and I pray He does a miracle work in this little girl and her momma as we continue to love them with His heart for the remaining time we are here.

Every hug, every embrace, every ounce of love, Lord let it bring redemption!!